finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
