im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
