Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
