my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
