Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
