Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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