just come out here and I will go home with you...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
