Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
