just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
