I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
