We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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