I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
