Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
