I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
