I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
