You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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