If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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