I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
