the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
