And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
