connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So much rum. So many feels.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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