He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
