Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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