I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
