just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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