in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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