and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
