Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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