Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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