i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
