I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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