I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
