JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
