At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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