Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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