I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
