Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
