She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
