I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
