Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
