so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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