I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
