sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
