I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
