I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I pour the whiskey from now on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
