Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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