my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
