I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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