I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
