I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize