I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
