I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
