So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
