Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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