It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
