I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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