So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
