but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
