I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
