Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
