True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
