if you like me you must not know who I am
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
