If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
