i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize